5 years ago, I started a blog post-divorce, to explore the in-between, whatever that means. At the time, I thought it was a great idea to –save all my money and ultimately spend all of my money for a one-way ticket around the world to find myself. I really loved Eat Pray Love! At 35 in my first blog post I wrote “my vision of being married with two children, a dog and a white picket fence is not exactly happening.” I traveled, transformed and had a wonderful time in the process.
This was 5 years ago – and a lot has changed. I have changed – yet again. The world has changed.
Most of my previous chronicles were about dating after divorce and dealing with that experience. My life coach dubbed me a “bad picker” when it came to men – a trait that thankfully can be changed. Regardless of what happens in my dating status – I did learn to always pick myself. Potentially, one of the greatest pieces of knowledge I have learned.
I had not renewed my Aha Abroad blog for years and a book my sister had made for me of all my articles was in a corner of the room – collecting layers of dust. In one of my manic 2020 Covid Quarantine Cleaning sessions – I decided to dust it off and it got me thinking. When I unwrapped this present 4 years ago, I broke out in tears –all my emotions and experiences from this time bound in a beautiful crimson red book.
As I was approaching 40 – start playing the really scary music – I thought it was time to find myself again. Starting to learn this is an on-going process . . . and the minute you think you have it all figured out something will change. Now my blog title from 5 years ago made a little more sense.
Aha Moment: We are always in-between. In-between new moments, new days and staying present is the ultimate goal. Leaning into new versions of ourselves that are ever changing. In-between blissful moments and knees on the ground tears down the cheek moments. All to know – this too will change.
As the ship has sailed on the idea of kids for me – something I had been wanting for the last two decades – I am venturing on this path that is not mapped out. There is some major mental life planning comfort in knowing pregnancy – through high school is filled with breast feeding, diaper changing, laundry, soccer games, the tween and teens years and all that encompasses parenting. As I told one of my best-friends from college a decade ago when she was deciding on having children, “having children is the meaning of life.”
So, if having children is the “meaning of life” and I am not having children . . . what is the meaning of my life?
Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?-Rumi
Hence, I thought it was a good time to have this outlet again! And figure out what life without children looks like. AKA . . . time to find some serious hobbies! It has taken me a minute to wrap my head around the uncharted path ahead, but I am so excited and know this is the right path for me. I will be writing about travel, food and wine. Sharing my lessons learned from the past (excited to read through that crimson book) and will of course be changing along the way.
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