The Common Denominator . . .

2017, I love you (so far)!

Regardless of one’s political affiliations, the marches this past weekend importantly screamed EVERYONE MATTERS! Utterly inspired and with epic rain in southern California keeping me inside, curled up on my couch writing with a warm cup of tea is a great place to be.

I have continued reflecting on life, happiness and meaningfulness these past few weeks. I had a realization that can only be equivalent to how Edison felt when he figured out the light bulb:

 Aha Moment: There is one common denominator in all the love failures I have experienced and it was looking me in the mirror. I have the power to change any ineffectual behavioral patterns or limiting beliefs that have been tripping me up on this path of life. This awareness changes EVERYTHING.  

As Albert Einstein said, “The true definition of madness is repeating the same action, over and over, hoping for a different result.”

So with this knowledge, I am moving forward fast and am focusing my energy on three things…

First step, sounds easy, but LOVE MYSELF. I have an all-around wonderfully blessed life, but somewhere in my almost 36 years I formed a belief (on some deep down, unconscious level) that I didn’t deserve love just being me. In relationships, I thought I had to “do” something or more specifically “force” something for “it to work”. I see now this is completely backwards. In most areas of life, if I want something I work harder for it. But in love, it seems I need to take a different (almost 180 degrees different) approach, which in all honestly is such a relief! It is also work, because there are old habits I need to break. Does this ever happen to anyone else: anxiety appears, you react in a knee-jerk way, you feel relief for about 30 seconds and then are immediately so frustrated with yourself for a self-defeating outcome? I am realizing the anxiety is more self-created and not something worth driving myself crazy over. I also accept that I will NEVER have to force any relationship that is meant to be. Ultimately, all I have to do is be myself and be open. On this note, I have actually started a new practice each morning of writing “I am” statements (e.g., I am love, I am value, etc.) This simple powerful practice transforms my mindset and is a great tool to remind me of my worth and value.

 You attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are. 

-Amy Poehler

Second step, keep the faith! This makes some people uncomfortable, but I believe my life will have more meaning when I have a loving partner to share it with. It is the reason I continue searching for love and accepting vulnerability, even when it is a giant pain in my ass! I have been feeling very conflicted about how I could find meaning in something so out of my control. But on some deep level, I just know I can – I think it comes down to having faith.

None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.

-Paula Coelho, Brida

Third step, have FUN along the way! All we have for certain is this moment. Plus, life often can’t be rationalized – you have to learn the lessons and move along.

I just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, or ever again, so, I changed.


So on this note, I have decided to go on a solo road trip up the California coast exploring Santa Barbara wine country, Big Sur, Sonoma costal towns and any little stops along the way!  I am fired up, my bags are packed and I am look forward to creating some great posts from the road!




  1. Another great post Rissa! Thanks so much for making SF a stop along your California coast tour. We loved seeing you and as always, appreciate your insightful words!

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